


Gin soaked boy

by keine_angst



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Alfie is very caring, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bad English probably, But overall sweet, Character Study, Dealing With Trauma, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Heartwarming, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Tommy is such a diva, Tommy is the softest, Too much alcohol, Troubled Past, a lot of gin, a lot of swearing, blame it on Tom Waits (again), sad at times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:47:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23738596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keine_angst/pseuds/keine_angst
Summary: "Please" he whispered, and his voice suddenly got trembling. "I need this job. If I don't pay my rent, I'll end up in the street". Alfie nailed himself thinking that it would lead to some nasty consequences. A pretty boy like him could easily become a hooker, and it wasn't something he aimed for. If he refused, he would feel guilty.Alfie runs a restaurant. One day he hires Tommy and that's how the story starts.
Relationships: Tommy Shelby/Alfie Solomons
Comments: 27
Kudos: 91





	1. A dream of becoming small  (or a messy introduction)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peachass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachass/gifts).



> This was the first thing I had written in English, so the grammar etc is way off, and I'm sorry for that! Hopefully I'll have some time to edit it and fix some of the issues eventually, but for now, try to ignore my bad English and just enjoy the story, thank you.

*ALFIE*

Alfie was about to kill someone.

He looked around the whole restaurant twice, but he still couldn't spot this little prick, this hell of a kid, this damn Shelby. First day here, barely after noon, and he's already gone God knows where. The customers were getting impatient in expectancy for someone to wait on them, and the other waiter, Ollie, was busting a gut to manage to do the job for the both of them. Solomons tried not to, but he was getting more and more angry. Why would this bugger play with him the day he started working here?

Eventually he thought of one place he missed while looking for him. He checked the back door and to his surprise, he stumbled upon Thomas, who was sitting on a kerb and smoking a cigarette, probably having a good, chill time. His apron was lying next to him - he certainly didn't like it; he even tried to refuse to put it on in the morning, which led to an argument. He stated that he didn't spend half an hour choosing the right outfit (a loose cotton T-shirt, that used to be deep pink one day, but then it had washed-out and now it looked really bland, tucked into his bark root brown trousers buckled with a thin leather belt) just to cover it with a piece of white textile. Alfie tried to persuade him to do it, but he was helpless against this stubborn young man, who seemingly tried to get on his nerves. Now he had to restrain himself, not letting his anger burst out of him.

"What a beautiful day, innit?", he asked, squatting to be at his level. Shelby blew smoke through his nose, barely noticing his presence. "I get it, it's nice out here, but why aren't you working, the way you're supposed to? You don't need this job anymore, mate?". Thomas finally looked at him, one of his eyebrows raised, his lips half-opened, as he pulled a cigarette out of it. Yes, he sure was stunning to look at, but he was also arrogant and annoying as fuck and he didn't even bother to hide it.

"I worked for three hours in a row. My hands started shaking from the lack of nicotine. I suppose it would be better if I stayed inside and dropped a pile of plates or something, wouldn't it?". Solomons just stared at him, not quite sure how to respond. The fact that this kid wasn't even acknowledging that he could get fired the moment he said those words was uncanny. Even if he would raise his voice at him, Tommy probably wouldn't care at all.

"Fine then", Alfie sighed, knowing that he cannot win this battle, even if he tried. "If I won't see you in the dining room in two minutes, don't even bother to come back, just fuck off, fucking go home. I don't have time for shit like that. Understood?". He didn't even get the answer, but he wasn't in the mood for arguing, so he just left him where he was sitting and entered the restaurant.

Tommy appeared three minutes later, without his apron, as self-assured as he was before. Solomons wanted to make a fuss, the craziest, loudest argument he could pull out, but he couldn't - not when Shelby was floating gracefully between the tables, smiling at the customers, looking like a model who got lost in a wrong place. He had to get used to the bitchiness of this fellow, because he didn't want him to go and got into some troubles. Because he surely would get into some, if he had lost this job.

***

Alfie has been looking for a new employee for the past few weeks, after one of his waiters announced he's going to resign in a matter of a month. The whole process was really frustrating - he had been employing the same people for the past four years, since he started running his own pizza parlour in Camden Town. He forgot how hard it is to find a decent, hard-working, young people willing to work at such a position. He spent many afternoons going through application letters, but it seemed like everyone applying was either a student who couldn't work full-time or someone with the criminal past. After many days of the unsuccessful search, he almost lost the hope that he would find a suitable candidate.

But then one evening, someone walked through the restaurant's door and said that he's looking for a job. It was kinda surprising, because no one appeared in person to apply, and it was also very late for this kind of meeting. The place was empty, because it was almost closing time, so Alfie asked the guest to sit down by the table and wait for him. He wanted to just go home, the day was exhausting, and the fact that this guy casually decided to come over and ask for a job was just bizarre. If he wasn't that desperate, he would send him home and make him write an application, like the others candidates did, but he was afraid this punk won't do it and he'll lose a possible employee.

"Right, mate, may I ask why did you choose to come here just now?", he asked, as he sat by the table in front of him. It wasn't until this moment when he surveyed the man more carefully. He looked very young - could be, at a rough guess, about eighteen or so. He was wearing a white, almost half-unbuttoned, silk shirt with a flower motif - he could see a silver cross pendant on his slender chest - and plain black trousers. His face seemed childish and earnest at the same exact time, and those blue eyes - Alfie could drown in them. There was something about him, that attracted Solomons, even if he tried not to think about it - the kid was much younger than him, it just didn't seem appropriate.

"I lost my job in the morning and I'm looking for a new one", the guy said. His voice was deeper than one could predict, it didn't match his face. The boldness in his statement took Alfie by surprise.

"How's that, mate? What happened?" he was genuienly curious what this angelic boy could do that made him lose his job. "And what's your name, by the way?"

"Thomas" he replied, crossing his legs and seating himself more comfortably. "Nothing exciting about that. I used to work at this coffee place. My boss deemed I was too arogant to the customers, but that's bullshit. He also wanted make me sleep with him, which I denied, so he figured he doesn't need me there anymore". He said all of this casually, as if it was nothing. Solomons was a little confused and not quite sure how to respond to that. "Look, I was a waiter before, and I can learn rapidly, I'll make a good employee", Thomas added, afraid that the things he just said made Solomons dismiss his application immediately. "I can even work overtime, I just need to earn some money."

"Sorry 'bout the directness, but how old are you, actually?" asked Alfie after a moment of silence. "You look very young, almost underage, I don't know if I can hire you, since we sell alcohol in here."

"I'm 22" Thomas said. This seemed almost unbelieveable, he looked at least theee or four years younger. Seeing his interluctor's bafflement, he sighed heavily and pulled a wallet out of his pocket, as he did many times before, when someone wouldn't believe his real age. He showed him an ID card. "See? I really am an adult. It's not my fault I look like a fucking child." He was really pissed off that no one takes him seriously.

"Sorry, mate" mumbled Alfie, trying to wrap his head around all the information he has just received, feeling stupid that he even asked this question. "Okay then. I'll see what I can do. Leave me your phone number, I'll contact you later." He was about to stand up and say his goodbyes, but Thomas spoke up again.

"Please" he whispered, and his voice suddenly got trembling. "I need this job. If I don't pay my rent, I'll end up in the street". Alfie nailed himself thinking that it would lead to some nasty consequences. A pretty boy like him could easily become a hooker, and it wasn't something he aimed for. If he refused, he would feel guilty. Suddenly, he felt tired by the whole situation - the conversation lasted for maybe ten minutes or less, and he was exhausted already. He made up his mind and decided to give this lovely little man a try.

"Right. See you on Monday, 9 am sharp". Tommy looked at him with consternation, as if he didn't understand what he just said. "Hey, kid. You got it, right? I'll hire you. We'll see how you'll do".

"Thank you" younger man said, breathing a sigh of relief. Solomons shook his hand - it was piffling and fragile in his - and walk him to the door. Tommy thanked him once more and he left, entering the dark street, that seemed dangerous for a delicate creature like him. Alfie was looking at him through the window pane, until he disappeared behind the corner of the street.

***

As he was recalling this memory, he couldn't really tell why he decided to hire Tommy. Maybe it was because of compassion, 'cause he was afraid something bad could happen to this little man, and he didn't want to bear responsibility for this possibly terrible ending of this story. Perhaps it had something to do with Shelby's statueasque fairness - Alfie loved admiring beautiful people, and his new employee was pretty as a picture and totally aware of that. Or maybe it was because he saw himself from a few years back in Tommy.

He also used to be like this, bold and douchey, convicted the world belonged to him and he could do anything, changing jobs, flats and friends every other month, believing he doesn't have to settle down. Later on he started to understand that he needs to get his life together so as to finally find a peace of mind. He saved up some money and soon started his small (and unprofitable at first) restaurant. It took him a few severe moths to really get to grips with everything and become more mature, resposible man he was today. Now, as he has just passed his 30th birthday, he could tell he's proud of what he managed to accomplish - the steadiness and quietude.

Shelby appeared in his life when he was almost convicted that nothing can leave its mark on himself and proved him wrong. He slowly started messing with everything he thought was stable in his life - his feeling of peacefulness, his career success, his emotions. Alfie could swear this guy knew how much of an influence he has on him, because he made it so fucking obvious he likes him.

Tommy was favoured among other employees. He fought his way to cigarette breaks, that were as frequent and as long as he wanted them to be; he refused to wear his apron - which he should just agree to do, 'cause he was a waiter, not a bloody fashion model who needed to show off his talent to compose great outfits out of cheap, mostly second-hand clothes - and he did it on his trial day, knowing he can easily lose the job opportunity. But he didn't, and the reason why it was like this, was that Alfie was simply impressed. He was used to people obeying him, not standing up to him. Tommy might have been the softest human being in existence, but he could talk back and fight for the things he wanted.

He also turned out to be a good employee. The customers loved him, since he was always helpful and soft-spoken, like a real, breathing person, not as mechanical and cold as some waiters. Solomons was sure that Tommy knows how to treat people in order to get some nice tips, which he needed desperately.

He once tackled on Shelby's poor financial conditions, as the waiter was smoking a cigarette by the back door, the exact spot where they had a fuss on his trial day.

"Why the hell are you smoking that much, mate? Cigarettes are fucking expensive", Alfie pointed out. He didn't smoke himself- he used to when he was younger, but now he found it but a waste of money and health.

"You know, if I die of lung cancer, I won't have to worry about paying my rent or losing my job" Shelby replied, drawing on a cigarette. He was looking so damn hot while doing it, that Solomons couldn't really complain.

To be completely honest, he looked amazing pretty much all the time. Alfie felt kind of guilty to think about his employee this way, mainly because he appeared childish, like a teenager. Solomons in his early twenties, even late teen years looked manly already, but Tommy's beauty was of a different sort. He was a bit feminine with those big, bright blue eyes, long, dark lashes, soft, pink lips and high cheekbones. His movements were lightsome and freed; his walk ressembled dance, his gestures were a bit theatrical. There was something fascinating about him as a whole that made Alfie fall for him unwittingly.

It might have something to do with the fact that he's been alone for a quite some time. He hadn't been in any relationship for the past two years, didn't even score a fuck sometime nor had a crush on someone. He wasn't all that desperate or anything like that, he simply felt a human need to love and to be loved, just like everybody else does. It wasn't obvious at first sight, but he was a tender man at heart - could be sweet and romantic, take good care of his loved one, while remaining selfless, because he always propounded others' needs over his own. 

Last relationship he was engaged in was this girl that used to work in the bookstore he often visited. They went on several dates, one of which ended in bed, but she broke up with him as she learned that he's bisexual. "I cannot believe you fucked me using the exact same dick you used on those men", she said, as if it was the worst thing in the whole world, but he didn't really care - he never liked her that much to begin with, and if she had a problem with his orientantion, he sure wouldn't wish to spend more time with her. What a fucking nonsense. Nevertheless, after she dumped him, he just didn't really bother to look for someone to love, believing that the right person is going to appear in his life at the right time.

But Tommy surely wasn't the right person. He was too young, too flauting and too fucking beautiful to even look at him. Alfie couldn't tell if he really wants this Shelby guy to notice him, or he's just awfully bored and he simply needs to occupy his mind with something, and so his brain picked on this man. Either way, he was a frequent, uninvited guest in his head, especially late at night, when he couldn't sleep. And Alfie wasn't too proud of it. 

*TOMMY*

Tommy once had a dream of becoming so small that he could hide from everyone and everything, and as he woke up in the morning, he was disappointed it wasn't reality. He needed to lay up somewhere and disappear completely for a while.

Recently he started to believe everything is going to turn out okay one day. He got a new job, which was way better than his previous one, he cut himself off from his cruel ex, moved away and was finally getting some sleep at night. It was relieving to discover that there was a normal life outside a toxic relationship and some good people willing to help him getting himself together. Like this new boss of his, Alfie.

What a man he was. Not only did he decided to hire him, randomly, after this messy introduction he's done in front of him, but he also seemed genuienly caring. Tommy knew he could probably call him late at night and ramble about some crap, and he would listen carefully, just to make him feel better. The thoughtfulness he showed during the last few weeks that he was working for him, made him feel comfortable and safe around him, even though his first impression he had about him wasn't that great.

The day they met for the first time, Alfie just seemed cold and distant, not really involved in the conversation and tired. But as the time passed, he showed his colours. He was a walking contradiction - one second he could be humble and steady, next moment he could get mad as a hornet, screaming and slinging things around like some fucking maniac. It was hard to predict how he would react to something, so being around him was like playing roulette.

At the beginning of his work at his restaurant, Tommy feared him a little bit, but it didn't stop him from annoying his boss as often as he could. He just couldn't help himself. It became almost a competition - challenging Solomons' patience and steadiness as he was playing with him, waiting for him to get mad. There was something utterly entertaining in watching as Alfie finally gives up, helpless and exhausted, after having wasted some time trying to straighten him up and failing miserably.

***

He remembered vividly this one time Solomons wanted to teach him a lesson. It was late in the afternoon, and his boss left the restaurant for a moment so as to accept some delivery. Tommy has been craving a drink since the morning, and now he seized the opportunity. He pulled out a bottle of gin from under the counter and poured himself a solid shot, swilling it quickly - God, he needed it so much - and put the glass down before leaving, going back to his duties. He was feeling much better now, he was able to focus at last. He did not consider himself an alcoholic, but he couldn't deny he liked drinking - it was the only way for him to calm down sometimes.

Alfie came back fifteen minutes later and he headed to the stockroom. As he was coming back, he passed Tommy by - he was on his way to put down some dirty dishes. For a second he almost nudged Solomons, as the two were standing behind the counter. Shelby turned and they were now face to face, and Alfie suddenly smelled the scent of alcohol from him. For an instant he tried to convince himself that his nose is tricking him, but it wasn't - he was a teetotaller himself, he could tell if someone was drinking.

Suddenly, Tommy was pressed against the wall, Alfie's arm across his chest, holding him firmly, that he barely could draw a shallow breath. "You've been drinking" that wasn't even a question, because he knew he did, and now he just needed him to admit it. But the younger man couldn't do it without a quarrel.

"I did not", he lied, even though he was sure his boss could beat the shit out of him if me proves he's right, but the alcohol made him unable to think straight and take it into account. He smiled as he observed Solomons getting infuriated.

"You fucking did. Gin it was, 'm I right?" he snapped at him, trying not to lift his voice, to avoid making scene in front of the customers. "What's wrong with you, kid? You're at work, so you should be working, not drinking and fucking around" he sure was pissed of, and he had the right to be, but Tommy liked messing with him, so he continued playing his role of a falsely accused.

"I am working. I poured a drink for a customer." he said and he couldn't help but blinking innocently, which caused this boss drawing a sharp breath. God, from every human being on this planet, why did you choose to punish me with this lovely fucker, he thought. "Get off me"Shelby asked politely, but Alfie wouldn't move for a world, still pressing him to the wall, effortlessly, as Tommy was three times smaller and weaker than him.

"Yes, of course, you poured a drink. Straight to your fucking dirty mouth" Solomons growled, slowly losing his temper. Tommy prepared to receive a nice slap or two, and out of nowhere he felt kinda turned on by the whole situation - this madman clinging to him, his strong arms around him, probably able to choke him to death with his bare hands if he wanted to - he loved this feeling of being dominated.

But just as soon as he started to enjoy it, Alfie withdrew aburptly, letting him go. "Just get your shit together, kid", he mumbled, avoiding the eye contact. "And I don't want to see you drinking at work anymore, understood? Now fuck off."

But even situations like this one couldn't change his approach. Tommy was just stubborn as hell and he wouldn't let anyone tell him off. He didn't like being yelled at, and he often demonstrated his sourness and dissatisfaction by doing everything he could to piss Alfie off. All in all, they squared accounts with each other, and Shelby started to respect him - why wouldn't he, since he was - if we excluded moments when he was getting mad - literally the nicest person he met in a long time?

***

Tommy wasn't always like this. As a matter of fact, he used to be the exact opposite of the man he was today. Back in the day, while he was still living with his family in Birmingham, he was a well-behaved and obedient child, trying not to stand out too much. He was second-oldest of the five children his parents had, and as he grew up he tasted a bit of a fuckery this damned world is. 

His parents had a very specific relationship. They hated each other with burning passion, but they never got divorced - his mother was too sensitive for that, and also she loved this fucker that her husband was and she couldn't cut herself off from him. His father was never at home, roaming here and there, always drunk and furious. Sometimes he would come back for a day or two, just to kick up a row, beat up his wife (or his children, if he fancied it) and then leave for another week or a month. Tommy couldn't stand living there - he run away from his home multiple times, but he always was coming back in the end - he had nowhere to go. Sure, he could stay at his aunt's place, but his mother needed him at home - she wasn't able to take care of all her children while still having to go to work and earn money. He and Arthur, his older brother, had to cope with younger siblings, which was just too much for an inept teenager Tommy was.

To sum it up, Tommy inherited all the bad things from his parents. From his father - his love for drinking, particularly gin. From his mother - tendency to attracting bad, toxic people, and then sticking to them, even after they hurt him.

As soon as he turned eighteen, without a second thought, he packed some necessities into his backpack and he left this sick place for good, aiming to never come back.

But he had to in the end, because four months after he made his way to London and started a new life there, his mother died. He was in two minds if he should go to the funeral or not. Yes, he loved this woman that brought him into the world and he wanted to say his final goodbyes, but he didn't want to reunite with his entire family. To be completely honest, the only person he truly missed, was his sister Ada. Ultimately he did go to the ceremony, but attended it from a safe distance, so as to no one could spot him. After the funeral ended, he got to speak to Ada.

She was two years younger than him, so after their mother's death she moved to their aunt Polly. She was always closer to him than any of his brothers; he came out to her at the age of sixteen and she took in in her stride. She was delighted to see him and confessed that she plans to get settled in London as soon as she finishes school -which she did eventually, two years later. They even lived together for a while, before Tommy got involved with this guy, his last boyfriend, and moved in with him.

Then a lot of bad incidents ocurred, which led to this fortunate day Shelby found himself in Alfie's restaurant and began another chapter of his life.

***

The thing was, after all that he's been through, Tommy couldn't really enjoy his life. He was constantly being treated like the worst piece of shit, for over twenty years he has spent on this planet, and now, when he finally started feeling like a decent, respectable human being, it just felt so strange and unreal. He was used to be bitter and arrogant to everyone, because he had to fight all the bad people that appeared in his life somehow; now, when he was taken seriously at last and learned that the others can be kind and compassionate, he didn't even know how to respond.

Meeting Alfie was definitely a turning point for him. From now on he learned that he could count on someone, as long and he's trying his best at being a good person. Yes, Solomons' would get mad at him from time to time, but it was only because he was purposely pushing his buttons, while acknowledging that his boss is a bit hot-headed. Other than that, Alfie was such an affable and caring person, and he soon became his friend. They weren't that close, but they could understand each other well and they definitely had a lot of respect for one another.

Tommy wouldn't admit it out loud, but he kind of had a thing for Solomons. He was an attractive man, for sure, and he seemed to have a good heart - a perfect guy to fall for. But then again, Shelby was aware that his emotions don't mean shit, because he was falling in love too quickly, losing his head and giving away his soul to people that didn't deserve it. He persuaded himself that it's not even worth trying - he had just got his life together after a painful breakup, he needed to get some rest and rethink everything he was doing.

Even though he was gasping for some love and sensivity from someone, he was too scared to let anyone in. He appreciated Alfie as a friend, he didn't aim for ruining the relatioship they've developped by admitting to his feelings. Solomons wasn't probably even interested in men in the first place - he was too manly for that. And even if he was, why the hell would he fall for someone like him, a broken, immature kid that was barely drifting through life? Tommy would rather keep things bottled up for now than fuck everything up because of some stupid, irrational feelings.

Later on, he realised it's getting worse with time. He was trying desperately to hold himself back and make himself believe that it's just a stupid amour and it will fade away after some time, but it didn't. He was feeling helplessly love-struck more and more often, to the point where he even considered quitting this job, to avoid getting involved eventually, but he couldn't imagine going through this once again - being scared what tomorrow would bring, escaping from everyone and everything. And so he stayed, tormenting himself, trying not to lose his mind.

***

One day he arrived at work, but the restaurant was still closed, which was unusual - generally, Alfie was the first person to be there, long time before the opening. Tommy only had the keys to the back door, so he entered inside and started doing his part, as he would do every day. It wasn't until half an hour later, when he saw a man through the window pane. He thought it was Alfie for an instant, but he figured out it couldn't have been him - this guy wore clothes he never saw Solomons in, plain ripped jeans and colorful tank top (he would normally wear some dark, elegant trousers, and homochronous shirt - he was dedicated to this simple, yet formal way of dressing himself). But then he proceeded to open the front door, using a key, and Tommy suddenly felt dumbfounded as he realised that it is, in fact, Alfie - just his different, more natural and raw version of himself.

As he was approaching him, Tommy couldn't help but stare at him - he seemed so tired and worn out, his hair were messy, still wet from the shower he has probably just had, his top bared his murcular, tattooed arms - Shelby was well aware of their existence, since Alfie proved his strenght on the multiple occasions, but never saw them exposed like this, and oh God, did he enjoy it. "Kind of overslept, you've been there for how long, mate?" he asked, shaking Tommy's hand firmly. "Are you mute or what? What are you staring at?" he added as Shelby didn't response, feasting his eyes on him, as if he was a sculpture or a painting.

Younger man panicked a little and muttered the most stupid answer he could think of. "Your clothes. Your sense of fashion is a disaster." Alfie rolled his eyes at these words, that surely didn't bother him at all. "I cannot compete with you in this field, okay, you got it, happy?" he asked, sitting down at a chair by the counter. "Pour me a glass of water."

"You could learn some politeness" Tommy said, but he did what he was asked for, he even added some ice to the water, because God, this man was so hot he could probably start boiling any second. "And you could learn something about fashion as well", he added, handing him a glass. "I can teach you."

Solomons had to hold back a gust of laughter. "You? Teaching me something? Over my dead body, kiddo" he said, rising the glass to his mouth. "And maybe take me for a shopping as well? You feel okay?"

"That wouldn't hurt you" Tommy replied, but Alfie seemed to disagree on that.

"Well, get your ass to work, then we'll talk" he ordered, but without rudeness in his voice. Shelby smiled to himself - he knew he owned it, he owned that grin on Alfie's face, and he was more than happy to realize that.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it already. Stay tuned for the second part, which I'll upload probably later this week. Take care xo


	2. A need to be hiding constantly (or seemingly unimportant things)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't intend this part to be so long, it just happened and I'm not even sorry.
> 
> Please note that this chapter references past abuse multiple times.

*TOMMY*

It was the third time this week Alfie started an argument. This time it was about Tommy's clothing choices again - he just didn't seem to appreciate a pure fashion genius he was. His boss got angry, because he walked in wearing a black shirt, but not a regular, ordinary shirt - a see-through one. "Rule number one, if you want to stay at your post," he barked at him, as soon as he saw him, "if you need to show off, at least wear something that covers your fucking nipples." Shelby wasn't sure how is this relevant - they were covered, all right, they were just noticeable through the material, and that's a huge difference. But he was too tired and sleep-deprived to even care about these kind of comments. All in all, since he started working here, the number of customers increased, so Solomons was in no position to even come at him with such a senseless criticism.

Tommy just fucked off, as he was ordered to, and proceeded to do his job, trying to avoid Alfie. He definitely was not in a mood today, so younger man decided to lay off him for an instant. Shelby was doing just fine up until about 2 pm, when he went to the bathroom. As soon as he got out of it, he stumbled upon Ollie, who seemed very nervous - even more than he usually did.

"There's a girl that just arrived" he said, not looking him in the eyes, as always - Tommy was almost sure he dislikes him for some reason. "She says she wants you to wait on her, or she won't order anything."

That sounded like a nonsense, because what girl could be even interested in him? But it suddenly crossed his mind that this could be his sister - as they talked recently, he told her where he's working now and she even joked that she'll visit him one day. Even though he loved her, he didn't really fancy seeing her at his workplace, especially today, because let's be honest - she was able to make a scene if she wanted to, and he was scared she's going to do it, in front of Alfie. That would be the worst scenario that could occur.

Tommy walked into the dinning room, and he wasn't surprised as he saw Ada sitting alone by the table for two by the window. He approached her, trying not to show how much her visit got on his nerves. She hugged him in greeting and invited him to sit with her. "I can't. I'm at work, if you haven't noticed" he said, trying to act composed for once. "Why did you come?"

"To see how are you doing in here", she replied, her legs croosed, making herself at home on this fucking wooden chair she was seated on. "And to see this boss of yours that you won't shut up about. Is that the guy standing there by the counter?" she leaned to take a closer look at him; Shelby felt that he's starting to colour up, but his sister couldn't care less. "Damn, you were right, he's a hot one. Are you two fucking yet?"

Tommy suddenly felt irrational fear that Alfie could hear them talk somehow - he probably couldn't, since he was at the exact opposite corner of the restaurant, but he was staring in their direction, which made him feel uncomfortable. "Fuck off, Ada" he mumbled quietly, trying to stop this conversation before it enters some even more dangerous fields.

"Not before you bring me a glass of gin. With a lot of ice. God, I need a drink" she said, sounding very maturely, which wasn't the case - overall she was entertaining, but now she just wanted to prove him she's going to get it.

Tommy sighed. "I cannot pour you a drink. We don't sell alcohol before 5 pm", he explained, but his sister wouldn't accept the denial.

"Well then, I guess I'd like to speak to your boss" she replied carelessly, gazing straight into his eyes. She already won and she knew it - he wouldn't risk letting her get mad. "And I won't hesitate to mention that you find him utterly fuckable."

"Ada!" he lifted his voice uncontrollably and had to draw a few deep breaths before he continued. "Just fucking - shut your mouth". She smiled at him innocently, aware that she's going to get this drink right away. "If I'll lose my job because of you, I'm moving back in and I'm going to be the most peevish fucker you can imagine" he said, but it didn't impress his sister - she had to deal with him for such a long time that nothing he could do would make her care.

Tommy went to the counter, feeling helpless. He tried to avoid talking to Alfie, but how was that possible when he was standing right there, just waiting for him to come closer? "Who's that girl you've been talking to?" he asked expectantly. Shelby didn't respond to that; instead, he just grabbed a bottle of gin a poured a drink into a glass. Solomons looked as if he was about to burst out. "You're serious? What the hell you think you're doing, mate?", but Tommy ignored him once again, making his way back to his sister's table.

"You forgot the ice" she noticed as he put the glass in front of her. "Did your handsome boss got angry? Why are you so naughty that you can't even talk to him?" she kept pushing his buttons and Tommy was slowly getting mad. He leaned down, and whispered coldly just above her ear: "Drink your fucking gin and fuck off before I get into some real trouble."

"Easy, sweetie, no need to swear that much" she put her brother off, lifting the glass to her mouth. "Thanks for a nice welcoming, I guess you can go back to work now." Like hell he was going to, because he could almost feel Alfie's eyes on his back, his dissatisfaction with what he's been doing for the past ten minutes or so - he was probably preparing a whole fucking speech in his head.

He quickly went off to wait on some new customers that just entered the restaurant. He could feel his hands shaking as he was standing by their table, taking the order - he was so nervous that by the time he reached the counter he totally forgot what they asked for. Solomons was still there, clearly waiting for him. "Can I have a word with you? Now." That wasn't a question. He was going to have a word with him, like hell he was. The coldness in his voice was much more terrifying than the anger would be - Shelby got used to him shouting, it didn't bother him anymore, but never saw his acting like this. It was hard to predict what he could do next.

Tommy prepared himself to hear some awful words from Solomons about his behaviour, as they went to the back of the restaurant. He just got ready to switch his brain off for a moment while he's going to ramble about shit, like he often did. "Listen, kid", he started as they stopped middle through the hallway leading to the stocking room, "I don't know what you're trying to do, but you're acting unspeakably today. You think you can just break all the rules that are set to keep this place in check? You're wrong, mate" he snapped at him. Tommy was unimpressed - he was hearing similar things regularly, so he got used to it. "That's too fucking much, don't you think? I spoilt you, and now you're acting as if you were the one to rule here."

"Okay, you're right, I get it, I'm terrible." mumbled Shelby, ready to just chime in at everything he says. His indifferent reaction infuriated Alfie - he thought younger man would talk back at him, fight him a little, as he usually did, but now it seemed he just doesn't give a fuck, which meant he talks for nothing.

"I'm fucking what?" he yelled at him, holding his anger back, not to let himself do anything to this little prick, who - let's be honest - probably deserved it. "Why do you think you can do whatever you want, living your best life, talking to some girls instead of working and pouring them a drink, fully aware you're not supposed to do it?"

Tommy remained silent, letting Alfie scream madly, trying not to show that he's feeling hurt - sure, he was nasty on purpose sometimes, but this time it wasn't his fault. "I'm trying to be patient, and I guess I fucking am, because I should've fired you the moment you refused to wear a fucking apron, like a fucking waiter should do, but I am forbearing and I forgive everything, and that's a good thing, but only to some extent" Shelby closed his eyes and just prayed he would end this shouting soon, because he really wanted to go back to work and just mind his own business. But Solomons didn't seem to be finished. "Sometimes I wonder, if I'd beat you, fucking wreck you to pieces, would you learn something? Or would it just wash over you, like everything else does?"

Tommy opened his eyes - the look in them was frigid and disinterested, as he said: "Well, you can try, but there was a few men in my life that tried to do it, beating me almost to death for some fucking reason, and I didn't learn shit." He wasn't complaining nor grieving about that, he just stated it blankly, as if it didn't really matter, because as for now, it didn't - he knew Alfie wouldn't lay a hand on him, he could have done it a long time ago, but he never did, so he wasn't going to do it now. It wasn't a defence mechanism, just helplessness he felt that left his mouth before he could even think about it - and as he saw Alfie's reaction, he regreted saying it.

Solomons backed off immediately, stepping backwards, as if he did something terrible, and he casted his eyes down. "Sorry, it wasn't supposed to sound that dreadfully" he said and Tommy could sense a true remorse in his voice. Of course he didn't mean it, he wasn't the kind of guy to be doing something like that. "Fucking hell, I'm-"

"Don't be" Shelby interrupted him - he didn't want to hear about his commiseration, he just wanted this conversation to end - he didn't want to recall some of the memories that started creeping into his head. "This girl is my sister, and I poured her a drink, because she can be just like you when she's pissed, and I didn't want her to blow this entire place out if she gets angry over some crap. Fine? I'm sorry I'm a bad person."

"You're not", Alfie mumbled quietly; he must've felt embarassed of himself, because he abandoned this premptory attitude he usually had. "You're just annoying and childish, but that's not that bad. I'm sorry. I could think thinghs out before saying them out loud."

Tommy was over it, unwilling to touch on a subject any longer. "Can I go back to my duties?" he asked timidly.

"Sure." Alfie finally stopped jawing, snapping out of this weird exchange. But before Tommy went, he asked: "Do you mind if I stand your sister another drink?"

He didn't really want to witness him talking to his sister, but he shrugged his shoulders indifferently, because he's had enough and didn't care to deal with both of them as for now.

That was a mistake - he could predict how it's going to end. The two of them seemed to have a good time chatting to each other, for some fucking reason, acting like they've known each other for a number of years. Alfie didn't stand her one drink, but four, and an hour later she was basically drunk, giggling and fooling arond, and Tommy was not so happy about it, because she couldn't keep her mouth shut after she's been drinking. He tried not to think what they were talking about, assuming that it's just some kind of prattle.

As he was wiping the counter, Alfie motion him to approach. He came to their table, feeling nervous - he could sense the disaster, she probably told him something she should have kept for herself. "I guess I'll let you leave earlier today" Solomons said, as Tommy got closer. "You'll probably have to walk your sister home, she seems a little pickled."

She really did - she narrowed her eyes and clenched her hands at the edge of the table, trying to sit bolt upright. Tommy sighed - why didn't he see this coming? "Ada" he started, touching her back gingerly, not to starle her. "Come on. Here we go." She gave up instantly, stood up at let him hold her by the shoulders - he was surprised she's not trying to resist anyhow.

"It was pleasure to meet you, Ada." Alfie said, bowing to her. That was just too fucking much for him to endure. First, he had a problem with him talking to his own sister, now he got her drunk and act as if they were friends. "See you tomorrow, Tommy", he added, and Shelby had to restrain himself from telling him to fuck off.

"Bye, see you soon." Ada spluttered unintelligibly, waving Alfie goodbye, as her brother was dragging her to the door. He didn't even bother to be gentle - he almost pushed her outside, taking advantage of her insensibility.

"What's so funny?" he asked angrily, as she started to laugh at him. They were walking the street, looking like two lost kids trying to find themselves in the mess this city was.

"You get so adorably flushed when you're pissed" she said, holding onto his shoulder tighter as they were crossing the street. "No wonder why this cute guy can't take his eyes off you."

"If I'll learn you told him something you weren't supposed to, I'm never going to speak to you again" he announced, still processing the fact that she just had a casual small talk with Alfie. "And I'm not even joking."

"Yeah, I know, you're never joking. You sure weren't joking when you told me you like him either." she laughed, and Tommy just gave up - he was almost sure she didn't dare to do it to him, but now he felt a little precariously.

***

It was boiling hot that day and Tommy felt tired just because of the weather. Adding his sleep issues and his mood swings to this, he couldn't even think straight, nor give a fuck about anything. And that's how he went to work without his usual makeup that day.

He didn't wear heavy makeup or anything like that, in fact, it was the exact opposite of that - his routine was quick and casual, he took like five minutes to get ready. He would normally just apply some foundation and face powder, sometimes also some mascara - only if he was feeling like doing it. Overall, it was almost unnoticeable that he painted. It wasn't all about his body dissatisfaction - he wasn't insecure about the way he looked, he only hated it when people perceived him as younger than he was, based on his childish look. Makeup was helping a little - he at least didn't look underage as he covered those fucking freckles.

He left his house feeling almost fine, about the idea of being natural for a day, and then he started regretting his decision halfway, but it was too late to change it - he didn't have time to go back home. As he arrived at restaurant, he just prayed that Alfie wouldn't be there, willing to speak to him before he starts working. He needed to adjust to the situation and forget about the fact that he probably looked like some beaten child, because he didn't get enough sleep at night and now he had rings around his eyes. Fortunately for him, Solomons was too busy doing some paperwork to even look at him, let alone talk to him, and so Tommy managed to avoid him the whole morning.

Later on he went for a cigarette break - he endured almost four hours without it, which made him feel proud of himself - he was trying to restrict himself and limit the number of cigarettes he was smoking every day. As he was there, he heard the door cracking - someone went outside. It was Alfie, who was frequently joining him here, even though he didn't smoke and he just accompanied him to breathe some fresh air and have a small talk with him. Now, as he saw Tommy sitting around, his beautiful face illuminated by the sunrays, he was smitten by the view, as always when he was looking at this boy - and suddenly he noticed freckles. They were everywhere, covering his entire face - his cheeks, his nose, his eyelids, even his lips - and he was speechless; he forgot how to form proper sentences, and he only managed to mumble: "Your face... What happened?"

Here we go again, Tommy thought, drawing on a cigarette as Alfie sat by his side, taking a closer look at him. "Nothing happened", he said, unhappy with this kind of examination he was going through.

"Since when you have freckles?" Solomons asked, as if it was the most important thing in the world; it absorbed him for some reason. "How the hell I never noticed that?", he added to himself.

"Since I was born" Tommy answered, still feeling his eyes on him, surveying him carefully - he was unsure if it's out of admiration, or purely out of curiosity, but either way it didn't feel nice. "Are you done staring?", he asked, but it didn't cause the reaction he was aiming for; counterwise, Solomons seemed even more fascinated as each second passed. He grabbed his chin gently and made him look up at him. Tommy suddenly felt he's trembling all over - a cigarette fell off his mouth to the ground. He tried to lift it up, but Alfie put the cigarette out and threw it away. "How the fuck could I not spot them before?" he asked once again, trying to figure it out. It was impossible. Unless...

"Because I normally wear fucking makeup, that is why" Tommy confessed. Not quite sure why, but admitting it out loud made him feel upset, like it was something utterly wrong. He tried to turn his head to avoid eye contact, but Alfie held him still, forbidding him to look away.

"Why are you doing it?" Solomons investigated. Tommy had an unpleasant impression that he was about to give him a lecture about how he's not supposed to do it, because he's a man, not some damn little girl, and that his questionable fashion choices should be enough as for experimenting with his look. He felt stupid, but wanted to defend his case.

"Because without it, I look like a child" he responded quietly, not letting his bitterness to take over him. "You know how fucking frustrating it is to be constantly asked about your age? You surely do not, because you don't look fifteen, like I do", he added. Alfie was still gazing out at him, making a mental note about each and every freckle, trying to wrap his head around the fairness of this lovely face. "Stop it", Tommy asked bashfully, "Stop staring at me like this." He suddenly felt a single tear of helplessness flowing down his cheek. Solomons wiped it off using his thumb - it made him feel even worse and more miserable.

Alfie finally let him go - Shelby was relieved to be able to hide his face in his hands. "You look beautiful without it, dear" he heard Solomons from above him. Oh, now he decided to be kind? How nice of him. "Why do you feel the need to be hiding constantly? Is there something you're afraid of?"

Tommy wanted to speak the truth and answer that he's mostly afraid of himself, but he didn't feel like getting personal. "I'd rather you would not joke about my face again" he whispered these words from between his fingers, and there was something awfully cold in them that made Alfie regret he picked on him so much - it seemed Shelby was really hurt. He wanted to comfort him somehow, but it could only make things worse if he tried to.

"I didn't joke about it", he assured. "I complimented it and I meant what I said." Tommy finally decided to look at him - really did look like a child, with his messy hair, blue eyes and those damn freckles. Alfie could kiss every one of them and it wouldn't be enough to express how much he worshipped them. "And I'm sorry if I hurt you. I can make it up to you, just tell me how."

***

A few hours later, after finishing work, they headed to Alfie's car, parked behind the restaurant. Solomons wouldn't predict that Tommy will choose a drive home as a remedy for his behaviour - he could ask him to drop him there any time and he wouldn't refuse. Younger man seemed excited, which, combined with his appearance, made him look even more childish and immature. But as soon as they stood by the car, he composed himself.

"Should I sit in the front or back seat?" he asked, which made Alfie roll this eyes.

"Do I look like a fucking chauffeur? Get your arse to the front." he ordered, and Tommy didn't have to be told twice. He slipped into the passenger seat, fulfilled by the fact that the ride won't be that awkward.

But it was at the beginning - Alfie was keeping his eyes on the road and didn't really tried to strike a conversation, and Tommy didn't want to disturb him. Eventually he had to, because he couldn't stand the silence - for some reason Solomons didn't turn on the radio, which was almost painful to him - he had to have his mind occupied with something at all times, and the easiest way to achieve it was to blast some music on.

"Can I switch on the radio? Or will this bother you?" he asked politely, not willing to make a big deal out of it. Alfie just nodded, still concentrated on driving. Tommy tried to press some buttons, that he thought could be responsible for setting the radio, but instead of playing the music, some audiobook blasted on loudly. 

"Fucking hell," Solomons mumbled, grabbing him by his wrist and taking his hand off the panel - he was very careful when it came to touching him, since the comment that Tommy made about his past abuse. "Don't touch things you cannot use", he added as he turned on the radio.

"I would never guess that you're a bookworm" Tommy said, before he started to hum along to some song. He had a nice singing voice, which surprised Alfie. "What book was that?" he asked after a while.

"Moby Dick," was a reply and for some reason it made younger man giggle. "What's funny about that?"

"What kind of pornography is that?" Tommy asked, sounding dead serious. Alfie rolled his eyes, trying not to say anything snarky.

"That's an adventure novel, you dumbass" he said, ignoring Shelby, who was having good time, humming and almost dancing around on his car seat. It was only then when he realized that his passenger didn't have his seatbelt fastened, and he almost braked in the middle of the road. "Christ!" he snapped at him, and Tommy almost jumped out of the seat. "Are you insane? Your fucking seat belt - now!"

"I didn't want my shirt to crease" he excused himself, but fastened it conformably, not willing to get kicked out of the car in the middle of the road- because Solomons could do it without a blink. He definitely was getting more and more irritated, so Shelby abandoned the idea of even asking if he can smoke here - he wouldn't let him do it, for sure - seemed like the kind of guy that cares more about his car than he cares about himself.

"Haven't you ever been in a car? Why are you acting as if it was all funny? You could've got hurt" Alfie said calmly, he wasn't angry, just troubled.

"I have bad memories concerning cars", Tommy stated quietly, feeling that he need to get it off his chest. Solomons ignored his words -he glued his eyes to the road again, avoiding looking at him. "Last time I was in one, I broke up with my ex and it was fucking nasty." Alfie didn't react, so he could either not give a fuck or listen, letting him speak - this second option was more believable, so Tommy kept going. "We were driving to a party, just after we had an argument about some crap, so he was mad at me. And then I lit a cigarette, and he got infuriated at me, even though I was doing it all the time, but this one day he decided he's going to make a fuss about it. I was about to break up with him anyway, but as he suggested I should suck his dick before we arrive there, I made up my mind immediately. I opened the door as we were moving, compelling him to pull over, jumped out of the car and got the fuck out of there." The way he was telling this story made it seem distant and unimportant. "He didn't care what I was doing, so I gained some time to come back to our flat, take my stuff, and run away from this shit my life with him was."

Alfie drove in silence, giving him a moment to get over those confessions, before he asked, "Have you seen a specialist after that? A doctor, I mean."

"Why would I?" Tommy was trembling a little, his interlocutor could almost sense how much he desired to smoke a cigarette. "The only specialist I saw was my sister and a bottle of gin."

"Because it seems like some kind of trauma," Solomons replied, casting an eye at this broken boy, "and you evidently have some issues regarding your past relationships. Why did you let someone treat you like the worst piece of shit and now you talk about it like it doesn't matter at all?"

"Because it doesn't." Tommy was gazing through the window, once again hiding from Alfie, hiding from everyone who wanted to extend a helping hand, to comfort him somehow. "It doesn't, because it's in the past, and I don't care about it anymore."

"But you are still wrecked after that" Solomons noticed. His voice, as he got steady, sounded completely different than his usual, lofty tone, and Tommy liked it better this way. "And drinking doesn't help getting past it. You should do something about it, or else it's going to get worse with time. You cannot run away your entire life, it's going to kill you one day."

"I'll forget about it. It's not important" Shelby said, still turned to the window, fully aware that Solomons is right, but unwilling to give him his due. They drove without talking for the next few minutes, before they arrived at theirdestination - Tommy's neighbourhood. They sat in the car for a moment after Alfie parked it. There was something nameless in the air, some kind of heavy silence that was more exhausting to endure than a messy, wild argument.

"Listen, I'm sorry about all the bad things I sometimes say" Solomons finally spoke up, leaning towards him and putting a hand on his shoulder in a friendly, caring gesture. "I talk shit without thinking twice, so you don't have to always take it personally. And this thing about your face, well - "

"Don't bother" Tommy cut in, "I don't need your apologies, I get that you're sorry."

"Your face," Alfie was determined to say this, "is beautiful and you shouldn't hide it from anybody - and I don't even mean the makeup, I mean you're always trying not to show how you feel, and I can see how this is killing you from the inside" Tommy could feel his cheeks blushing, because this man was so close to him, and he was saying all of this with such a passion. "You know, there's a saying that freckles are angles' kisses" he said, surveying him once again, but this time it didn't feel uncomfortable at all - it was almost pleasant when he was assured he does it with admiration.

"Me mom used to say that" Tommy muttered, and this memory warmed his heart. He had a strange feeling that Solomons was going to kiss him, but he didn't - he leaned to the back, suddenly tired and worn out. "I have to go" younger man announced - it was getting hot in there and he felt like suffocating.

"Right", Alfie sighed quietly. "Is this alright if I hug you?" he asked. Tommy didn't hesitate - he moved closer, letting him embrace himself firmly, holding him in his strong arms for a second, stroking his back gently, making him feel safe. As he withdrew, he was soothed.

"See you tomorrow", he said while opening the door.

"Meet me here in the morning, we'll drive to work together" Alfie called out after him. Tommy couldn't help but smile, as his friend was pulling out. He was feeling settled down for the first time in the long time. 

*ALFIE*

Alfie bought himself a packet of cigarettes and he wasn't too happy about it. He quit smoking for good about three years ago and he never felt the need to get into the habit once again, he didn't even crave cigarettes. The only reason he did this, was to have an excuse to be going to breaks with Tommy - he enjoyed their small talks as much as their way to work - since he dropped him home one day, they started regularly commuting together, which meant they were spending at least half an hour alone in the car, and it was the part of the day Alfie loved the most. He reached the point where he had to make peace with the fact that his feelings he had for this man are getting serious, even if for quite some time he tried to persuade himself that the thought that he could love him it just an absurd. And maybe it was an absurd, but he at least tried to make the most of it - enjoying the feeling of falling for someone, someone who would never even look at him the same way as he did. Alfie would never push him in any way, nor even try to get closer to him if he didn't want to, and as for now, he didn't seem to be willing it.

Anyway, he bought cigarettes and around noon he started getting impatient - it was the time Tommy normally would go smoke, but he didn't go until almost an hour later. Alfie found himself waiting eagerly for this moment to come, and as soon as he noticed Shelby heading to the backdoor, he followed him outside. Younger man was a little surprised when he saw cigarettes in his hand - he heard his boss saying multiple times that he would never smoke again and that Tommy is ruining his health and wasting his money on this habit - but he didn't complain, glad that he finally won't be sitting there alone. He stroke a conversation as Solomons was unpacking his cigarettes, talking about some unimportant stuff, but suddenly it turned in the strangest direction possible.

"Have you ever fucked a guy?" Tommy asked, with a smirk on his face. Alfie gagged a bit, cigarette in the corner of his mouth, not quite sure how to react. How dared he posing such a question, this little twink?

"Why the fuck would you want to know this, mate?" he said, forgetting he was about to smoke, trying not to lose his temper.

"Well, you know, I'm a container for useless information. You need a lighter?" As Solomons didn't reply, Tommy lit his cigarette; he drew on it unconciously and started to cough - he forgot what an awful feeling it is. "Have you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I fucking have, but then again, why do you need to know this shit?" he answered, angry and puzzled all at once. He couldn't figure out what Shelby was up to.

"And what about women?" Tommy was certainly having a good time, flooding him with these dumb questions, charming him with a smile of his beautiful lips. Alfie couldn't lift his voice at him, even if he wanted to. He should probably slap him in the face, wiping this stupid grin out of it, but Shelby wouldn't learn a thing from it, so he remained calm.

"Have I ever fucked one?"

"One, two, eight, doesn't matter" Tommy said, probably proud of himself that he pulled a joke out of it. Alfie sighed.

"I have" he replied, and he suddenly noticed he's not even angry anymore, he just wants to fucking end this conversation. "Now could you please explain to me why do you seem interested in this kind of facts?"

" I don't know, 'm just curious" Shelby sat down on the kerb, smoking his cigarette, looking beautiful as usual. Alfie joined him backwardly. "Haven't fucked in a while, I miss it, kind of" he added. Solomons felt strange, hearing those words out of Tommy's mouth, but he kept going even further. "I don't think I could ever have sex with a woman. Shoving dick into someone isn't my thing"

So he bottoms. Who would have guessed? With this perfect ass and tiny, sleek body, like he was made for this. Alfie had to digest this information. If it was some kind of invitation to get to his trousers, this kid was mad in his head. "I don't understand why do you feel the need to share all of this with me" Solomons said, trying to sound as unimpressed as it was possible.

"I have no one to talk to about this kind of stuff" Tommy said, making this statement sound very sad. "I miss the act, but I don't miss the people I used to sleep with. One and all were bastards", he confessed, leaning his head backwards. He seemed truly devastated as he was recalling some bad memories, his eyes crinkled, his lips pursed around a cigarette. "I had this ex, right, the worst fucking asshole you could imagine. You think I am a pain in the ass? You surely have not heard him talking" he stopped for a second; Solomons felt oddly listening to his rambling, he was about to tell him to stop it, but he didn't, purely out of curiosity. "He had this tendency, that he would do the exact opposite of what I was asking him to, so, for example, he wouldn't fuck me unless I told him I don't want to" He was telling the story casually, as if it was but a stupid joke, not something that was probably deeply traumatic. "So I learned to ask him for sex every night, because as soon as he heard my request, he would turn his back on me and go to sleep, and I was able to walk the next day."

"Sorry to hear this, mate" said Alfie, and he was being frank - he did feel bad thinking this kid had experienced such a shitty treating, especially since it was provided by his loved one. He could never understand how could someone hurt such an innocent person as Shelby was . "I'm assuming you're better off without him, aren't ya?"

"Yes, I am. The breakup was painful, but not as painful as dealing with this prick" Tommy mumbled, finishing off his cigarette. He glanced at Alfie, a spark flared in his eyes, as he asked: " 'Bout you? How do you like it? The sex, I mean- "

He fucking meant, of course, he couldn't restrain himself. Solomons was not in the mood to talk about it right now, but dear God, those eyes were piercing him, piercing through his soul. "How do I... what the fuck, mate" he was unable to keep his mouth shut, and unable to lie about it. "I don't know. Casually. Slowly. With love, you know" he wasn't sure why is he answering to this stupid question, but he did, and he couldn't stop his mouth from talking. "With a right person. Don't really have, like, specific preferences, I just like when some real feelings are involved, okay?" His hands suddenly got shaking. He put out a cigarette and looked up, ashamed of himself, but Tommy seemed satified with the response he got.

"So you're an emotional kind of guy, who knew?" he smiled at him, as he stood up. Who knew you're such a medding kid, Solomons was about to say, but he managed not to let this comment slip out of his mouth, because, for some fucking reason, he tried to be nice once. "But you're right, only love should matter when it comes to this."

He didn't even wait for Alfie - he just went inside, leaving him there, glancing up in the sky, trying to process what had just happened.

***

Conversations like this one occured from time to time. Tommy was getting more and more inquisitive - he was asking him about his past relationships or his family, and Alfie simply couldn't lie when answering these questions. Shelby's charm was impossible to ignore, and so he kept opening his heart, letting him slip inside and make himself comfortably. It became his biggest passion, to just talk to him, ramble about anything, just to get to spend more time with him - even if the prize of it was to fuck up his health.

Tommy's birthday was just around the corner, and it occupied his mind for the whole week, because he decided to buy him some gift - and that was a real challenge. He got to know Shelby, right, but he couldn't figure what should he offer him - he was thinking about some random, safe gifts, like perfumes or chocolates, but let's be real, what better could he possibly get this gin soaked boy, if not a bottle of his favourite liquor? 

He chose some fancy one, probably got overcharged for it (or maybe alcohol really was this expensive - as a non-drinker he didn't know how much it would normally cost), and decided to attach a tiny card with handwritten wishes to it. Tommy should appreciate this. Solomons also baked a cake for him - Shelby looked as if he hadn't had a proper meal in a while, so this should be perfect excuse to make him eat something at last. For a second he thought that maybe he's putting too much effort into that and it's going to be awkward if he just randomly jumps at him with all of this, but then again, it was Tommy - he could do anything for him, just to make him smile for a while.

The day finally came and Alfie was weirdly excited - he never liked his own birthday, and waiting for someone else's seemed abstract. He went to work a bit earlier than usual and he waited for Tommy to arrive. As soon as he did, he greeted him with a hug. "Happy birthday, you fucker", he said, feeling proud of himself. "I got you something". Shelby was surprised when he saw the cake and gin - he surely did not see this coming.

"How - how did you know?" he asked, genuienly moved by this gesture. He stood there in consternation, not quite sure how to react. 

"You're sometimes so sweetly stupid" Alfie said, feasting his eyes upon the astonishment in Shelby's face. "I have some of your data because of your work insurance, aren't you aware of that?" Tommy blushed, as if he only now realised that, and he was looking so incredibly beautiful, it was breathtaking. 

"Thank you, you didn't have to-" Shelby wanted to say, but he got interrupted. "Oh, shut up and just enjoy it. It's your birthday, for fuck's sake, you can allow yourself to have some pleasure from time to time."

"Okay." Tommy just replied, accepting the gift. "No one ever remembers about this day, I mean, maybe Ada, but besides her no one gives a fuck," he added, and Alfie could feel how much he wants to just open up the bottle and have a drink, but he couldn't let him do it now - he wouldn't stop after one glass, and he still had some work to do.

"Cake now, gin later" he said, ruining Tommy's hope to taste the liquor as soon as possible. "You have your duties, sweetie. I would promise that I'll have that drink with you after work, but you know I'm an abstinent."

"Fine. Can we smoke a cigarette as a form of celebration instead?" Shelby asked, and Aflie couldn't refuse, so they soon made their way to the back door. 

As they were smoking, Tommy mentioned that he was going to go to his favourite club tonight to celebrate his birthday. It turned out that Alfie knew the place - he was talking about a tiny gay club situated here, in Camden Town. The way Shelby announced it in their conversation left his unsure about his intentions - it seemed like an invitation to join him there, but then again, he didn't say it directly, so it wasn't that obvious. It was almost as if he was too scared or shy to just tell Solomons to go out with him, so he just adverted it somewhere in the middle of the sentence, hoping he would get what he was all about. 

In the evening, after he returned home, Alfie brood about it for the longest time, trying not to listen the voice in his head that was telling him to drop everything and just go meet Tommy. Why would he bring up the name of the club in the conversation, if he didn't want him to join him? Why would he emphasize how much of a good time he's going to have there? Shelby certainly knew how to mess with his mind, not telling him anything directly, so as to he had to think about all the seemingly unimportant things he said in order to figure out what he really meant by articulating them.

He almost convinced himself that it doesn't make much sense and he would be better off staying home, ignoring this weird kind of invitation and letting him have fun on his own, but as soon as he tried to get into bed, his mind got flooded by some awful images. He could easily imagine Tommy getting drunk and doing some bad things, or getting hurt - maybe it was just the way his brain tricked him into thinking that he needs to go there and check on him, but he couldn't calm down. He dressed himself casually, not willing to stand out too much, put his leather jacket on and hurried to his car. 

As he arrived to the club, he couldn't recognize this place. He had been there in the past, but it was many years ago - now it was renovated, probably holding bigger parties and attented by more people. There was something nostalgic about getting inside - clubs like this one reminded him of his teens and early twenties, when he was a bit of a party animal and he loved spending all nights being on the tiles. But it was before he started to value a good night's sleep and feeling good overall - now he couldn't understand how anyone can choose a party over a relaxing evening. Today he chose it, but it was only because of Tommy. He surely did lose his mind, because it couldn't turn out well - he had a sense of foreboding. He just wanted to spot Shelby and make sure that he's doing well.

As he entered the place, he started to shiver - there was something that made him feel unpleasant, and he wasn't sure, if it was these bright, neon lights, the intense scent of alcohol in the air, or the overflow of people inside. He was circling around for a while, searching for Tommy, whom he finally stumbled upon by the bar. Younger man looked miserable, sipping his drink, which was almost grostesque, because he was dressed in the most pompous way he could probably think of - hollow mesh net top and high-waisted leather trousers. The contrast between his party clothes and his upset face was the first thing that disquieted Alfie. He sat at the bar stool next to him and cleared his throat loudly, signaling his presence.

"There you are, birthday boy" he said, but Tommy didn't react - it seemed he drank a few glasses already and started to feel dizzy. "You okay, mate?", he asked, alarmed by the lack of response. Only when he tapped on Shelby's shoulder did he turn his head at him. He definitely was drunk, Alfie could tell it from his dilated pupils and blankness on his face.

"You're with him?" asked a barman who was wiping the counter nearby. "You should probably take him home, he sits there and drinks the whole evening, he's had like... eight glasses or so", he added, and Solomons got a strange feeling, that not only did Shelby drink a lot, but he also caused some problems, like he always did, even when sober.

"That's enough" he said, trying to push his glass away from him, but Tommy didn't want to accept it. "Fuck off," he mumbled. He grabbed his drink and drank up rapidly, and as soon as he finished it, he slung the glass against the wall. The smash was almost unaudible because of the loud music.

"That's fucking enough," Alfie repeated. He threw some coins on the counter. "For the glass" he said to the barman and turned back again to Shelby, wondering if he ought to use force to get him out of there, but Tommy made a decision for him, wading into him with this weird, drunken energy, that was even more dangerous, because he was uncontrollable and careless. His attack caught Solomons off guard - he had to withdraw, letting those tiny hands beat his chest - it didn't even hurt, but Shelby had to wreak his anger somehow and he didn't want to make him even more mad. "Calm down, mate", Alfie requested, but the younger man wouldn't listen, so he grabbed him forcefully by his shoulders and pressed him to the wall, coercing him not to move a bit, their faces only inches apart -

And suddenly Tommy was kissing him, and he was so shocked that he slackened the grip immediately. Shelby's hands grabbed him by the shirt, pulling him closer, clinging to him, his lips exploring his, mouth tasting like gin, and God, it was just too perfect to be true. Alfie wanted to push him away - it wasn't the moment for such a step, even though he desired it so much - but he couldn't do it to himself. He kissed back, chaotically, grabbing his face in his hands, pressing him to the wall, desperately trying not to lose his hold and full on make out with him. The kiss was a mess - neither of them knew what they were doing, but Shelby was so determined, not willing to let him go, almost biting on his lips with a sense of desperation and anger filled with sadness. After a few seconds of this ecstatic experience, Solomons managed to thurst Tommy away, but he didn't let him out of the embracement of his arms - he looked like he was about to blackout.

"You're drunk as fuck" he stated the obvious. He grabbed him by the hair, pulling Tommy's head to the back - he was inert, his muscles unable to hold his body still, his eyes blank and weirdly, unnaturally scintillating. "Fuck, you're high on something, aren't ya?" he asked, but Shelby just laughed at him - he started wondering if be even recognizes him. Probably not. "I'm going to take you home."

"Fuck off", Shelby barked, trying to break free, but he was too weak and too drunk to be able to even stand to Alfie - he could easily hold him still, not letting him move a bit. "Fucking get off me", he demanded once again, but he was helpless against Solomons, who could efortlessly push him where he wanted to. "You're going home, kid" Alfie announced, causing younger man try to fight him once again, but it was pointless and both of them were well aware of that.

Tommy started yelling as soon as they went outside - he didn't even formulate words, just kept making prolonged, annoying noises. Alfie had to give him his jacket, that was horrendeously huge for him, because he started shivering - the night was cool and he was dressed in this imitation of clothes, no wonder why he was feeling cold. Solomons was really determined to get him to his car, even though for a bystander it had to look like some kind a harrasement. He tried his beat not to use force when it wasn't necessary, but it was hard to remain calm and collected with this half-undressed man, screaming and kicking him like a child. He pushed him onto the backseat and fasten his seat belt, as if he was dealing with a toddler.

"Now will you please shut up" he asked politely, not wanting to stirr it even more, "and hand me your cell phone. I need to call your sister."

"Let me out!" Tommy shouted once again. Some woman passed the car by - she stopped and asked what's going on, alarmed by the loud yells and this whole scene, that must've looked suspicious.

"My boyfriend just got really drunk" Alfie answered, not even realising what he was saying - these words just slipped out of his mouth - and he really felt like he was responsible for this fucked up kid, as if they were a couple. Tommy looked up at him in consternation as the woman left. "What did you say?" he asked quietly, suddenly getting serious. "Doesn't matter" Solomons responded, he didn't want to talk about this kind of unimportant crap now. "Your phone, please."

"It's in my pocket." he said, and by that he meant the back pocket of his trousers. I'm going to burn in hell, Alfie thought, pulling the device out, trying not to let himself touch him more than necessary, because he was about to lose it and it would end leading to something they would both regret. "Wait," Tommy said, as Solomons unlocked the screen, "don't you dare to open the photo gallery."

"Why? You keep your nudes there?" Alfie asked and he knew he's probably right, Shelby was the kind of person that would do it, but he only mumbled "Fuck off", for the thousandth time this evening. But that wasn't his priority to see him naked, he would rather see him in some safe place, so he searched for his sister's number and made a call. She responded after fifth dial, which wasn't that much of a surprise, because it was like 2 am and he probably woke her up.

"Ada? It's Alfie" he said, closing the car door, because Tommy started to yell once again and he just didn't want to deal with him now. It took her a second to connect the dots, and as soon as she did, she squealed loudly. "You two got laid! Finally!" she seemed so excited that he was sad to tell her what really happened.

"We - what? Ada, please listen, your brother is about to blackout in the backseat of my car, he's been drinking and possibly doing some drugs as well, I need to drop him somewhere, and I'm afraid it won't be safe of I'll leave him alone in his flat." His sister sighed heavily, hearing this story. "What a dirty little liar," she said, "he told me he's not going anywhere tonight. If I had known what he's about to, I would have gone with him and wouldn't let it happen again."

"I know you would. Can I drop him to your house?" he asked. Tommy was beating his fists at the window, he surely wasn't happy that he's being ignored.

"Sure, I'll take care of this fucker" Ada responded and gave him her adress.

Luckily, it wasn't that far from there, which was relieving, because the ride with this drunk, screaming kid was impossible to endure in the long run. Firstly, he demanded to turn on the radio - not just turn it on, fucking blast to the point where the whole car was shaking to the beat of the music. At least Alfie couldn't hear Tommy's rambling from behind, but in the end it only made things worse - as he was driving, he suddenly felt Shelby's hands trying to cover his eyes, to get his attention. That was too fucking much. He pulled over and turned off the radio.

"Do you really want me to tie you or what?" he snapped at Tommy, who only smiled innocently. "I want to sit in the front seat" he announced, and Alfie knew he shouldn't let him do it, because it would make him feel squimish, but this kid wouldn't hang it up, and moments later he was seated next to him. For some reason, it made him calm down - he stopped his screaming and he started to fall asleep. Solomons casted an eye on him from time to time to make sure he's breathing, and he looked so beautiful now that it was hard for him to focus on the road. The weight of responsibility for this tiny man hit him as he thought of possible scenarios that could occur if he hadn't arrived on time to take him out of this club. In places like this one, he could easily meet someone who was willing to use him or hurt him, and he couldn't even defend himself in this state.

As they arrived in Ada's neighbourhood, Alfie woke him up by tapping on his shoulder. "Right, here we go" he said calmly, helping him get out of car, but Tommy was so weak and sleepy, that he had to basically pick him up -which wasn't that easy, since he was inept and his body didn't show any reaction, just letting him take care of it- and transport him to the door. Shelby was half-asleep in his arms as his sister let them into her small flat.

"Here," she said, pointing at the bed. Alfie put Tommy carefully on the matress and covered him with a blanket. "Is this your jacket he's wearing?" Ada asked, as her brother rolled to the side, dragging his knees to his chest, putting himself in embrional-like position, which made him look miserable - he sure had nasty nausea. "It is, but I guess he needs it more than I do" Solomons replied. Tommy let out a quiet gasp of pain, which made him feel awfully sorry for him, but then again, he deserved to suffer a little now, after what he had done this evening.

"Sorry for this shit my brother caused" Ada said, sitting down next to Tommy and wiping the sweat from his forehead. "And I'm sorry for this comment I made, you know, about you two sleeping together, that was just the first thing that crossed my mind as you called me from his number."

"It's fine." Alfie had to restrain himself from telling her that his brother kissed him - maybe unintentionally, but he did, and he couldn't stop thinking about it. It wasn't the right time to admit he has a thing with Tommy, it could wait.

"...though it would be better, if you, in fact, fucked, instead of him getting drunk again" she said casually, which made Solomons gasp, because why the hell would she even say something like this? He hoped she doesn't imagine they share something that wasn't true. "I hope he wasn't that nasty to you on the way, was he?"

"Just a little" Alfie lied, because it didn't matter in the end - he did what he needed to do at any cost - took Shelby to the safe place where he could recover from the events of this evening. "Please, just make sure he's alright. I would do this on my own, but I need to head home, I have to go to work in the morning."

"Sure thing" Ada replied, slipping a pillow under Tommy's head to make him more comfortable. She was so caring that Alfie was assured nothing bad can happen to her brother while she's around. She walked him to the door and gave him a friendly hug, once again thanking him for his dedication to take care of Tommy.

"He's lost, he really is", she said before Solomons left, "and he needs someone like you to get himself together sometimes."

Alfie hit the road, but he couldn't think of anything besides the feeling of Tommy's lips on his, his hands on his chest, and the smell of gin-

He blasted the music loudly, in order not to hear his own thoughts.

***

The next morning Tommy didn't show up at work. Alfie was prepared for that, so he wasn't even mad. He wanted to call him to make sure he's doing well, but he thought he's probably still sleeping after this mess that night was, so he waited till noon, when he went for a cigarette break (except he didn't smoke this time - it was pointless without Tommy).

Shelby's voice sounded just exhausted and disinterested as he picked up. "You're awake yet, sunshine?" Solomons asked. "Fuck off, Alfie" Tommy mumbled - it was awfully sweet coming from his mouth. "Hangovers can be awful, am I right?", he heard a loud sigh instead of an aswer. "You know, I could be an asshole and tell you off because of your absence, but being the most generous and kind man in existence that I am, right, I'm not going to say a word about it."

He managed to make Tommy laugh. "You? The most generous and kind person? Holy fuck, where were other candidates to the title if you won?" The fact that he seemed to feel good, except of being hungovered, was relieving. It could've ended way worse. He heard Tommy lighting a cigarette, before he spoke again. "And your point is invalid, because I can take a day off, it's guaranteed by the labour law."

"I sometimes wonder how the hell are you still alive. You don't have an idea how the world works, right? Of course you can take a day off, but you need to announce it in advance, not just sleeping over your entire workday, without saying a word."

"Right, we established that. Now can I go back to sleep? Because otherwise I won't be able to go to work even tomorrow." Tommy really did sound worn out, he was in need for some rest.

"Yeah, get some sleep, mate. You need it." Alfie said. He wanted to say something more, but Shelby replied with a simple "Bye" and hung up. Solomons could imagine him flinging into bed, wrapping himself into a blanket and going back to his dreams. He would die to be there with him, embracing him and kissing his forehead goodnight.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for following this story so far. The last, third part, will be published in the near future. For now, keep safe and have a nice day (:


	3. Trying to prove something to yourself (or living fully again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I underestimated myself. I thought it would take longer to write this last part, but it happened so quickly - here you are.  
> Before you start reading, please note that this chapter refers to some past verbal/physical /sexual abuse, the use of drugs, and also there's some smut here, so like, the whole palette of bad things. I'm sorry. You can at least try to enjoy this mess, I guess.

*TOMMY*

As the time passed, Tommy found himself in a kind of impass.

On one hand he almost persuaded himself that the idea of dating Alfie one day would never come true. This man was his friend, someone who helped him getting through some bad times, not someone who would get romantically involved with him. He was an adult, a mature one, he had too many things to worry about that he would never be interested in a guy like Tommy - childish and not knowing what the hell he is doing on this planet.

On the other hand, he just couldn't stop thinking about this ill-fated night, when he kissed him, and Alfie kissed back - he definitely did, and it seemed he didn't want this to end as he pulled back. They never talked about this incident - Tommy decided to pretend that nothing happened, that he doesn't even remember the events of this night, but deep inside his heart he knew exactly why he kissed him. It was a kind of experiment, the way to learn what Solomons' real feelings towards him were - but after that, he still couldn't be sure what to think. Yes, he kissed back, he most certainly enjoyed it, but then why didn't he mention it later, nor try to do anything more? It seemed Alfie didn't really want to do anything about the case and he just let it be, forgetting about that night and just moving on.

The problem was, that Tommy wasn't sure which part of his heart was about to take over him - he tried to forget, while still pondering about the past. As an impulsive person, he knew it would probably be just a matter of getting drunk once more, before he decides to try doing something similar again, and this time it's going to be even worse.

That was one of the reasons why he decided to meet Ada and talk to her - she was the only person that could understand him and give him some advice. Their relation was so close she probably could read his mind, and as he arrived at her place one evening, she immediately asked: "Is this about Alfie?"

"How did you know?", Tommy was surprised that she mentioned him right away, as if he had his name written on his forehead. "I just know," she answered, pouring him a glass of gin and letting him sit in the armchair next to her. "I don't remeber any conversation we had, since you work in this restaurant, that wouldn't touch on him."

That could actually be true, because Tommy couldn't think of one either - his mind was just constantly occupied with this man, ever since they met for the first time. "It is about him again, I'm sorry," he said, feeling a bit stupid. "I know you're always so supportive, and I need someone to help me dealing with this, because it's getting hard for me to endure."

"Don't be so dramatic, love" Ada said, crossing her legs and preparing for a session - they often talked about her brother's feelings, she was like a personal therapist for him, always willing to hear him out. "Just say what's wrong."

"I think I love him, I really do" Tommy confessed, and these words felt surreal. He could't imagine loving anyone after the shit he's been through, and now it seemed so natural to say it.

"I know you do, and what's the problem? You think he doesn't feel the same way as you do?" Ada investigated. Her brother confirmed, and she leaned towards him, to look into his eyes. "You're silly. You can't be serious. Don't you see how he looks at you? As you were the most beautiful man in the world. I can tell he likes you, he's probably just as scared to make a move as you are. You need to do something about it."

"I already did" Tommy said, suddenly feeling the urge to tell her about everything - maybe it was because of how confident he was with her, maybe it had something to do with the gin he drank, nevertheless he was in the mood for confessions. "I kissed him that night he brought me here." Ada's jaw dropped - she wasn't prerared for that.

"Fuck," she mumbled, taking a sip from her glass, "And I thought you two got laid."

"What?"

"Nevermind," she tried to avoid the subject, but Tommy insisted. "As he called me from your phone, I asked if you had sex. I don't know why, I just assumed that, because he was with you that late at night, but it doesn't matter, I fixed that."

"Jesus, Ada" Tommy sighed, wondering why does his sister cannot shut up sometimes. "Now he must think that we talked about him."

"Because we did, didn't we?" his sister responded, confident as always. "Okay, back to the subject - you kissed him, right? And what was his reaction?"

"I mean, he kissed back, but it wasn't what I expected" Tommy replied, putting his empty glass on the table. "I thought we would, like, at least make out with me, but he pushed me away after a while. And now I don't know if he didn't want this to happen at all, or just to happen under these circumstances."

"Tommy, you were drunk as fuck, no wonder why he didn't want to do anything with you, it would be alarming if he did" stated Ada, who was a lot more realistic than her brother. "It showed he cares about you, he's not just willing to get to your trousers. I mean, eventually he would do it, but only after he gets closer to you, I suppose", she knew what she was saying - she could understand others' feelings more than they could. " He's the one for you, I swear to God. I don't know him very well, but I would entrust you to him, he's a good man. He loves you, and you love him, so what's holding you back?"

Tommy looked at her - she noticed sadness and melancholy growing in his eyes, and she suddenly knew. "Oh my God," she whispered, leaning towards him, "you still think about that fucker and about what he had done to you, don't you?"

They talked about it over and over again as it was happening and shortly after this nightmare ended. Tommy was dating this man for about a year, and it was the worst time in his life. He started to feel safe in London, where he was living for quite some time at that point, he experienced some short-time relatioships and one night stands, and he desperately wanted to settle down with someone who would help him getting his life together. As soon as they met, Shelby had a feeling that this might be the right person - he was four years older than him, maybe not rich, but at least financially stable, very handsome and, in the beginning, charming and loving, but this changed the day Tommy moved in to his house. It wasn't until then when he showed his colours and became abusive towards his boyfriend. Younger man tried to explain this to himself by thinking that it's not going to last forever, he has to change for better one day, right?

Wrong. As the time passed, he was becoming more an more cruel, beating Tommy for nothing, abusing him verbally and sexually. He had an inexhaustible imagination and he could think of endless possibilities to humiliate him, and he had fun doing it. One day, as Tommy was taking a shower, he threw away all his clothes to the garden and made him collect them, naked, in full view of the neighbours. He grabbled him everywhere in public, treating him like a disobedient pet. And, of course, he liked having sex with him everywhere and any time he wanted - in the car, in public toilet at the party, in a fitting room while they were shopping - and Tommy couldn't even articulate his own needs and feelings, because he never listened, but the truth was, he hated every single intercourse they had and not even once felt good afterwards - how could he be satisfied after being basically beaten in bed (or somewhere else) in the act that he didn't even consent to?

It was getting worse, because he soon stopped restraining himself anyhow and started leaving nasty scars on his body in clearly visible places, as if he was proud of what he was doing. In fact, Tommy started doing makeup after one particularly violent night, when he woke up with an enormous bruise covering almost his entire left cheek, and he needed to hide it somehow before leaving to work. His tormentor didn't like this idea, so the next night he left even worse bruise, this time on his right cheek, which made his entire face look like some kind of smashed fruit. Shortly after he met Ada, and as soon as she saw him, she was about to call the police. It took him almost two hours to persuade her not to do it, because this man would kill him if he learned he told something about their relationship to anyone. Shelby was too afraid of him to even sleep next to him, and every time when his boyfriend fell asleep, he was leaving him alone and going to the other room, not to share the space with him - he couldn't trust him. In the morning this madman was of course pissed off because of that, and Tommy received some slaps as a punishment, but at least he could rest for a while.

He should have run away from this life way earlier, but he simply didn't have enough courage - he started to believe that he just needs to endure this treating and one day it would get better. It was almost like his parents' relatioship, where his mom didn't want to leave her husband who was either abandoning her for a long time or hurting her. Tommy was too soft and frightened by this man to make a decision and just cut himself off from him. He also tricked himself into thinking that it wasn't that bad and if he had left him, it would have been even worse - he would have had once again struggle to find himself in this mess that the life is. It was painful to be with a man like his boyfriend, but it could have been even worse if he was alone.

That day when they had an argument in the car was the last straw. Tommy knew that if he didn't get out of there that very moment, he would still be in this toxic relatioship, maybe even dead at this point, because this fucker was capable of doing everything, and he could have just beaten him to death by accident. The relief he felt as he arrived at Ada's flat that day, carrying only a small bag with the most important things, was impossible to describe. He lived with her for three month after that, and they spent many long night just talking and drinking and smoking cigarettes, as he was trying to get this experience out of his chest. He didn't tell her everything, because she was too sensitive to listen to graphic descriptions of some things he's been through, but for once he felt a little better, as she was trying to understand and helped him copy with his trauma.

Now Ada seemed concerned, looking at her brother who was about to start crying. "Calm down, please, don't be sad" she said, hugging him with her tiny arms and letting him put his head on her shoulder. "He's not worth your tears. He's gone and you're safe."

"I know," Tommy mumbled, comforted by her support, "but I can't look at any man without thinking that all of them are just cruel bastards, just as he was."

"Alfie is not like this" she assured him, as he started sobbing quietly. "He's a good man, and he cares about you. I don't know why you refuse to believe it, but I can tell he's not going to hurt you. He's just too scared to make a first move, because he knows that you've been through some shit and he doesn't want to push it. And that says a lot about him."

Tommy didn't answer, shivering in Ada's embracement. He knew she's probably right, she was able to work people out easily and she never gave him any advice that turned out to be bad. He needed to cease to think about the past and carry on - otherwise he would end dying alone with his head just full of bad memories.

"Fine," he said after the long moment of silence, "I'm going to give it a try."

*ALFIE*

Alfie had a bad night that day, waking up multiple times from some weird nightmares, and as he went to work he thought he would get some rest there, but now he couldn't even think straight, because Tommy was eating - not eating, fucking sucking on - a lollipop, playing with it like a child, sticking it in and out of his mouth, licking it with the tip of the tongue; it was fascinating to watch, because it seemed he was doing it unconciously, not realising how sexual it looked. His pink lips got bright red because of this cherry-flavoured piece of sugar, and Alfie could only imagine how sweet they must have tasted - he wanted to kiss him so badly it hurt. He would also most definitely stick this lollipop to his own mouth, tasting the flavour of Tommy's lips from it. God, he really felt like a sinner to think about it.

Finally, Solomons decided to talk to Tommy, to make him stop doing it, because he could swear he was going to die from a heart attack if he would watch this scene any longer. "Hey kid," he started, and Shelby took the lollipop out of his mouth - Alfie wasn't sure how did he manage not to kiss him in this moment. "You look like you haven't eaten anything besides this today. Why do you starve yourself?"

"I don't starve myself" Tommy said, but it was hard to believe he wasn't lying. "I just-"

"Well, I never saw you eating, and you work in a fucking restaurant, so this is a bit strange, innit?" Solomons continued, suddenly thinking about some idea. "You're in a hurry after work?" he asked, and Tommy shook his head. "All right, so you're staying here with me and I'll get you some dinner." It sounded almost like an invitation to a date, except they both worked here, which eliminated the awkwardness that could occur without it. "That's an absurd that you've never had a meal here, and you've been working for how long? Ten moths?"

"Yes, something like that" Tommy answered, not looking at him - his cheeks blushed a little, which made Alfie's heart melt. "Is the gin included in this dinner?" Of course he had to ask, he couldn't endure without some liquor alongside the meal.

"It is, as long as you're going to be nice to me" Solomons said, and his colocutor was clearly satisfied with this answer. "Now get back to work." As soon as he said it, Tommy started sucking on the lollipop once again - and this time Alfie decided to leave it and to watch this whole damn show it was.

***

In the evening, just after the last customers left, Solomons told him to finish his work - sweep the floor, wipe the tables etc. - but Tommy refused to do it. "You invite me to dinner and then you want me to work? Not this time," he said, and he seemed very proud of himself, "because I'm planning on having a nice, unstressful evening". He chose a table in the middle of the dining room and made himself comfortable on one of the chairs. Alfie couldn't help but smiling - Shelby was right, he deserved to unwind a bit, so he let him just stay there and wait for him.

Solomons didn't know what to prepare for their dinner, but he had a strange feeling, that Tommy wouldn't eat anything too fancy - he was a kind of guy that most certainly cannot "cook" anything besides sandwiches or an instant soup, so he didn't have to worry he's going to be fussy, and so he decided to prepare a plain and simple dish - calzone - but made them way smaller than the tradinional ones, almost bite-sized. He thought it would be fun to make different stuffings, so Shelby wouldn't know what's inside - and so he did.

When he came back to the dining room, Tommy was reading some fashion magazine that he must've brought with himself - he didn't really look fashionable today, but at least was adorable in an oversized, purple jumper. As soon as he saw Alfie approaching him, he put out the magazine and moved the stuff from the table to make some space for the plate full of freshly-baked calzone. "What do we have here?" he said to himself, smelling the food - Solomons could swear he's hungry as fuck, but he won't admit it out loud. "And what about my drink?"

"Right, you'll get one after dinner" Alfie said, which made Tommy blink at him innocently.

"Better give me some gin or else I'll find someone to eat the dinner with" he answered, but he was clearly messing with him; nevertheless, Solomons poured him a solid shot of gin, just as he had promised.

"But first try the food. I didn't spend the time making it just for you to kill the taste of it by drinking alcohol", he demanded. Younger man was staring at the plate, as if he didn't know how to pick something out of it. "Come on, I won't be feeding you like a child."

"I'm more than sure that you would do it" Shelby joked, and Alfie did the first thing that crossed his mind - picked a calzone up to his mouth. Tommy was surprised by this move, but he bit on it carefully - his lips almost touched Solomons' fingers, which made him shiver. It took him the longest while to chew it up, and when he finally did, he wiped the corner of his mouth with his sleeve. "Okay, it's not that bad", he said, and Alfie decided to count this as a compliment. "Now, I have a very important question", he announced, after finishing the first calzone. "What are your thoughts of pineapple on pizza?"

"No. Fucking no. Non fucking negotiable" Solomons replied, watching younger man eat - it was utterly satisfying to look at. "It's not even worth talking about."

"We'll, it's a crying shame because I actually like it" Tommy said. "It feels fancy this way."

Alfie had to restrain a gust of laughter after hearing these words - he was right about this kid, he didn't know shit about real cuisine. They were eating in silence for the next few minutes, before he made up his mind and decided to tackle on a subject that he couldn't stop thinking about.

"That night when I met you in this club," he started, and he could swear Tommy suddenly got nervous - his hands got shaking and he stopped chewing the food - he probably thought that he was going to ask about their kiss, but it wasn't the case. "You were high on something? Or was it just my imagination?"

Shelby lowered his head in embarassment - maybe it was too bold of him to ask this kind of question now, but Tommy answered after a while. "As a matter of fact, I was." he said, and Alfie felt his heart breaking as he saw the change in his face - it suddenly became concerned, not relaxed as it had been before. "Snorted some lines to make me feel better, but it didn't help. I used to do it often back in the day, now it doesn't temptate me at all, but that night I was just sad."

Solomons had to interrupt him, because younger man started getting emotional and he didn't want him to cry, not now. "Shh, nothing happened. I just asked, because I was worried. I won't educate you about how dangerous it is, you know that, right?" Tommy nodded his head, so he carried on. "You're better than this. Please, just don't do it anymore."

"I won't, I promise" Shelby whispered, placing his hand on the table. Alfie felt the urge to touch it, and so he did, grabbing his fist around those skinny fingers, stroking his palm tenderly, comforting him a little. "I was sitting there alone, thinking about all those parties that I spent drunk, crying in the bathroom and trying to avoid some bad people that were out there. I don't know why I decided it's a good idea to do so. It's just unbearable to stay concious in this world sometimes, you know."

"It wouldn't be true if I said I know how does it feel, because I never did any drugs, and I don't even drink these days, but I'd love to be able to understand", Alfie said. Tommy wasn't even sad, his eyes were blank and darker than usual, as he squeezed his hand firmly. "Right, enough of this, I hate to see you being miserable."

Solomons regretted asking about it, because it ruined the nice atmosphere that started growing between them - the rest of the dinner passed in silence, occasionally interupted by some shy attempts to strike a conversation again. After they had finished eating, Alfie put the dishes back to the kitchen and they headed to his car. On the way Tommy relieved a bit - started humming along to some song and asked the driver what his plans for this evening were. Solomons cooled down, assuring himself that everything is fine and Shelby doesn't feel bad after what they were talking about earlier.

Tommy hugged him goodbye and he got out of the car, but before he managed to pull of and hit the road again, he heard loud banging at the window. It was Shelby again, who must've changed his mind about something and came back. Solomons rolled down the window. "Maybe you'd like to come over?", younger man asked. "We never meet outside the workplace. I'd like to spend more time with you."

After such a declaration, Alfie couldn't refuse. He would invite Tommy to his house way before, but he was waiting for some better circumstances that never occured. Now he was the one that got invited, which made the whole situation feel more neutral. He got out of the car and followed Shelby to his flat.

***

Tommy lived in a tiny studio flat, and his living space represented his personality well. The walls were white one day, now they didn't resemble any colour - Shelby must've started painting one of them with a blue paint, but never finished the job. There was hardly any furniture in there - just a tiny warderobe that was lacking the door and a tea table next to a mattress, that served as his bed. The window overlooked the street and was letting a lot of light through the net curtains, and there were plenty green plants on the window sill that Alfie couldn't name. There was a tiny balcony there, one of these that allow you to smoke a cigarette while leaning through the guardrail. The opposite side of the room was meant to be a kitchen - it consisted of a worktop, one drawer and the smallest refrigerator Solomons have ever seen. The walls were covered with photos - some cut out of fashion magazines, some portraying handsome man - Hollywood stars and models - and some that Tommy must've taken himself.

"Make yourself at home" Shelby said, taking his coat off as they went inside. "You can sit basically anywhere. I'll make some tea."

Alfie chose the matress covered with pink sheets, which was probably the most comfortable place to be seated. Tommy turned some music on - he clearly couldn't stand the silence. While waiting for him, Solomons took a closer look at the photos on the walls. He couldn't take his eyes off the pictures portraying Shelby - he was photogenic and looked fabulous in each one of them. When the host came back with a cup of tea for his guest and a glass of gin for himself and sat by his side, Alfie couldn't help but asking about them.

"Who's this kid with you in this photo?" he asked, pointing at the picture of teenage Tommy holding a child in his arms.

"That's my baby brother, Finn," he explained, sipping his drink. "He was only four when I left my family. Now he lives with my aunt, and he must be... nine, I think." It seemed like a touchy subject, so Alfie decided to let it go, but Shelby added, "I miss him and my other brothers, but I won't ever come back to this hell Birmingham was."

"I've never been there" Solomons said, putting his tea at the table - it was too hot to drink. " I was born in London, lived here my entire life, and I'll probably die in this city. I'm not that adventurous at all."

"That's funny, because you seem like a wanderer" Tommy said, finishing his gin. Alfie wanted to tell him to stop drinking that much, but he wouldn't listen anyway. "Excuse me for a second, I need to use the bathroom," he added, standing up.

While waiting for him, Alfie was thinking about all kinds of things he should have done before. He could have this boy wrapped around his finger by now, but he stayed back for so long that now it just seemed pointless to even try to hit on him. All those forgotten feelings that Tommy revitalized in him were almost painful, but he couldn't make himself make any step without Shelby's clear permission - and as for now he didn't give him any signal that he might be interested in him, excluding that one kiss, but then again, he was almost unconcious and probably didn't want this to happen, so it didn't mean anything.

Tommy came back - he had taken his jumper off and now he was wearing a white T-shirt - and, to Solomons' great surprise, instead of taking a seat next to him as he did before, he sat on his lap, facing him. Before Alfie could react somehow, he felt his lips on his own, kissing him softly, and his cool hands slipping under his shirt, touching his chest, and it was as amazing as he remembered. Despite his initial shock, he instictively kissed back, as delicately as he could, placing a hand on his nape, trying not to lose control over his body that craved for more and more. But there was something worryingly ravenous in Tommy's behaviour that made him back off immediately, as younger man's palm made its way down and tried to unbutton his trousers. "Hey, what are you doing?", he asked, and he noticed that his own voice is shaking.

"What do you think?", Tommy was too busy trying to undress him, that he couldn't even answer properly. Solomons tried to push him away, but he was too determined to stay where he was, pressing him down to the mattress using his thighs, and Alfie felt he was about to lose it. "Baby, please, stop it" he demanded decisively, taking him by his hands and putting them on his shoulders. "We cannot do it."

Shelby's reaction wasn't something he could expect. He mumbled a low "fuck" and seemingly gave up, slackening his grip and leaning to the back - he would land on the floor if Alfie didn't hold him. He embraced this tiny man firmly, not letting him fall down on the mattress, as Tommy started weeping, his whole body trembling in spasms, that felt almost painful. "Fucking hell," he whispered once again, his voice was almost unrecognisable, filled with sorrow and regret, "I thought you wanted this, I'm sorry, I'm-"

"Hush, baby" Solomons said, stroking his back gently and pressing his cheek to his neck. "It's okay, you haven't done anything bad." Tommy wasn't so sure about that, but he couldn't argue with him while resting in those strong, warm arms. "And I wouldn't say I don't want it, but more important thing is - you should be the person that wants something like this to happen, not me," Alfie placed a kiss on his forehead, and made him look into his eyes, "but I think you're just trying to prove something to yourself, am I right? You want to believe you're over your past and you can start living fully again, don't you?"

Tommy breathed out heavily, surprised how accurately Alfie described the way he felt. "I just... I don't know. I was sure you would just get on with it, since you like me, I suppose." He was broken, fighting with himself not to cry anymore, but it was hard. "Why won't you just fuck me until I'm not sad anymore?", he asked, and this question would normally make Solomons laugh, but now it sounded dead serious and devastating.

"Because I don't think it's going to help" he replied, still holding him tight, smelling the light scent of gin from his neck.

"I love you", Tommy whispered, almost inaudibly, and for a second Alfie thought that it wasn't real, but then he looked up at him, and repeated, this time louder, "I love you more than I ever loved anyone in my life. Isn't it enough?"

Solomons gasped a little - he didn't see this coming, especially now. Those blue eyes were definitely waiting for something, and he fondled his cheek with his fingers, before he replied, "I love you too, you little dork," he paused for a moment, to observe his reaction, and then continued, "but this doesn't mean we need to fuck right away."

"Alright" Tommy said, comforted by his words and his embracement. He initiated a kiss once again, clinging to him to the point where their chests were touching. Alfie run his fingers through his hair, letting himself get involved in this sweet little love act, forgetting about all the insecure thoughts that were holding him back, just letting this moment last.

They laid down on the mattress, stretching alongside each other, Tommy's head on his shoulder, as he was breathing heavily, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Alfie turned himself to face him, and they were so close he could feel his lashes tickling his cheek as he closed his eyes. "I just wish I was a better person and this could work out", younger man whispered. Solomons caressed his chin and neck with his thumb, as he added, "but I always destroy everything I touch."

"No need to blame yourself for anything, everything's fine" he assured him. He wanted to comfort him at any cost, make him feel better. He kissed the corner of his mouth, his cheeks, his forehead, even his eyelids - every inch of his face, every single freckle. Tommy let him do it, tightening the grip of his arms around his waist. "Darling," he whispered after a longer while, "we don't have to have sex, but I have other idea."

Shelby opened his eyes, that seemed very excited after hearing that last sentence. Alfie braced on his elbow, to look at him from the above. "Do you mind if I take this off?", he asked, pointing at his T-shirt. Tommy rolled his eyes, as if he thought this question is stupid and unnecessary, and let him undress him, while unbuttoning Alfie's shirt at the same time.

As soon as they both were shirtless, Solomons pushed him back to the pillows and leaned down to start caressing his chest. He gasped as he noticed that the freckles are present also here, on his collarbones, his arms and even his stomach - he could spend the whole night just kissing them, devoting horrendeously long time for each one of them. He examined every inch of his skin carefully, not willing to scare him with his boldness, making the most of this experience. He could feel his muscles tensing as he was dragging his lips down, stopping from time to time to place a soft kiss here and there. It was a nice discovery that his nipples are so sensitive - as soon as he touched one of them, Tommy sighed loudly, which encouraged Alfie to take his time to pet them properly, kissing and sucking on them, just to hear some lovely noises that Shelby couldn't restrain himself from making. As he made his way down, to his trousers, he stopped for a while to look at him and make sure he's okay with what's happening.

"Baby, you're alright?", he asked, and he had to wait for an answer, because Tommy was trembling all over, and he couldn't really tell if it's because of pleasure or fear. He came back to his lips for a moment, to make him calm down. "Hey, what's wrong? Do you want me to stop?"

"No, absolutely not" Shelby said, but he looked frightened for some reason and it made Alfie worried. "We don't have to do anything" he assured once more, touching younger man's chin to make him look at him. "It's not that important. We can just lay here and talk."

"No, it's just - no one ever has done this to me" Tommy confessed quietly. "I was always the one to do it, because I was the weaker one, and no one cared about me the way you do."

This little comment make Alfie's heart melt. He was trying his best to make him feel better this entire evening, and now he learned that he's going to be his first time doing it this way, he's going to own it, own this pleasure that Tommy was yet to discover - it felt like a serious accomplishment. "Just let it go and let someone make you feel good for once", he said, and he was pleasantly surprised to see that Shelby cooled down after hearing those words.

After assuring himself that younger man still wants him to do it, Solomons proceeded to undress him unhurriedly - he unbuttoned his trousers and slowly took them off, and then he waited for a while, letting Tommy adjust to this new situation of being completely naked in from of him, but also trying not to lose his mind looking at this beautiful body, fully exposed at his disposal. He tried not to shamelessly stare at him, but God, those skinny, pale thighs were too perfect to be real - he had to place a kiss on one of them, sucking on the skin for a second, leaving a bright red hickey on his body, a mark of his presence down here. As he was to finally get on with it, he put one hand on his hip, squeezing it softly, and ostentatiously wrapped fingers of his other palm around his cock, holding it still in his fist for a moment before leaning down to touch it with his lips, to just indicate what he was about to do. Tommy twitched restlessly, rolling his entire body to the side and covering his face with his hands, as if he was trying to run away from this pleasure he started to experience. Alfie stepped back a little.

"Sweetheart, please don't hide" he said placatingly, "you have nothing to worry about. I won't hurt you. You don't need to cover your face, it's beautiful and I want to see it", he added, and Tommy slowly took his hands off his eyes and let a quiet sigh out of his mouth. "Just relax and enjoy it."

Shelby nodded. "Keep going" he said, and so Alfie dived between his legs, pulling one of them to the side to make himself more comfortable there. He had once again kissed just the tip of it, stroking his hip steadily, to make him find himself in this situation, before proceeding to slowly take it into his mouth, not even tightening his lips around it, to make him feel the warmth and wetness in the place where he never felt it before. Tommy was still shaking a little, so he took his time to let him relax. Alfie choked a little as Shelby's hips shivered uncontrollably and had to withdraw for a second - he didn't do it for so long that he almost forgot how strange it feels to have something this size in the mouth. As soon as he composed himself, he tried again, this time getting deeper, to the point where he could feel the tip of his dick touching the back of his throat. Only then did he purse his lips around it, and Tommy's reaction was more than satysfying - he groaned loudly, grasping his fists at the sheets, trying not to lose the control over his body, that was impossible at this moment. "Don't," Alfie demanded, his lips around Tommy's cock, as the younger man tried to press his face against the pillow, "don't hide from me. I need to see you."

Shelby gasped desperately as he slipped his free hand under his butt, squeezing it possesively, lowering his head once again, taking him deeply. It was an entire show to just watch Tommy's face, as he was trying not to let any noises out of his mouth, to notice how the sorrow and fright were slowly melting away, leaving his cheeks blushing, his eyes moony and befuddled with desire. Alfie could swear he never saw anything more beautiful in his entire life. He withdraw to stroke his dick a few times, using just his hand, and when he put his lips around it moments later, he could taste the precum that started dripping from it. Not good - he hated the taste of it, but it was Tommy who was to feel fine today, so he carried on, sucking passionately, like he was made for it. Shelby reached down to caress his hair, and this gentle gesture made him breath out heavily, which caused the younger man shiver under the blow of hot air.

Alfie had to pull back for a second, because he couldn't breathe properly in this position, but as soon as he did, Tommy started mumbling desperately, "Please, please, just fucking - please" again and again, and he didn't stop until Solomons touched him again - even though he would love to see him begging for more, because he was just spectacular like this, rolling his body on the mattress, clenching his fists at the covers, getting chills under the softest touch. Only now did he realize that he was dripping with sweat, it was so hot in there, between the two warmed up bodies, it was almost unbearable. He sucked him avidly, gloating over Tommy's beautiful face and noises he was making. He could feel Shelby was about to come, it could happen any second now, his cock was so painfully hard and he was shivering uncontrollably. "Eyes on me", he demanded, wanting to have the best view of him the moment he finishes. As soon as he looked down at him, he once again sucked down to the completion, and that was just enough - Tommy came in spasms, closing his fists on the sheets, dragging his legs to his chest, letting the loudest moan out of his mouth, before he tumbled back to the pillows, almost crying in relief. Alfie had to lean to the side, not to spit at him - he had to get rid of the semen in his mouth, because he fucking hated the taste of it and he couldn't swallow it, not even for Tommy- he was relieved to find some tissues at the bedside table. As soon as he dealt with it, he moved closer and laid down next to Shelby, who was still trembling after the orgasm.

"Fuck" Tommy whispered, exhausted to the point where he was unable to move, his head rolled to the side, his lips dry from groaning. Alfie wanted to kiss him, but before their lips even touched, Shelby mumbled unintelligibly, "Come on my face." Solomons tried to make himself believe that he misheard what he was saying, but he repeated it like some kind of obscene mantra, "on my face, on my face, on my face." Fuck, he thought, I was damned way before, but this guy is going to be the death of me.

"No, Tommy" he replied, hugging him firmly to cool him down.

"Yes. On my face." he looked marvelous, worn out and messy, begging him to do it, like it was something desirable and not nasty at all.

"I don't need to. It's all about you tonight." Alfie tried to stop him once more, but he was just so incredibly stubborn and wanted to get what he asked for, and he suddenly felt Tommy's hand on his crotch - and, fuck, he couldn't pretend he's not hard after what they've done. "Now" Shelby said decisively, and Solomons just couldn't resist anymore, no matter how strange his demand was - he was turned on to the level of not thinking straight, just willing to relieve himself. He kicked off his trousers faster than ever, and moment later he was shamelessly jerking off above his head, trying not to think how fucked up it is. And then Tommy reached his hand to touch him, and that was the second he lost his mind, he couldn't even dissemble his feeling of pleasure. It didn't take long until he came, dripping all over Shelby's face, breathing sharply and trying to control his muscles, not to fall down on the man lying under him.

As he laid back next Tommy, he needed a good minute or two to calm his breath down. Younger man snuggled to his chest, still not quite over the pleasure he just experienced. "Fucking hell," Alfie said, looking at his face, which looked ridiculous covered with his semen, "what was that all about?"

"I just like it" was the answer, "I guess I'm a little bit of a slut."

"Don't call yourself like this," Solomons told him, handing him tissues, "and wipe your face."

"You don't like me this way?" Tommy asked, staring at him with those surreal blue eyes and the cutest smile he ever witnessed. Alfie sighed quietly.

"I like you no matter what, but I don't want to sleep in this mess we've made" he said, wiping his face, as if he was a kid that got soiled while eating. Tommy seemed surprised by his words.

"You mean... You want to sleep here?" he asked, leaning back to the pillows. Alfie joined him and let him wrap his arms around his chest, kissing his forehead softly.

"I guess it's not that strange to share the bed - I mean, the mattress - with someone who just came on your face, is it?" he said, but it didn't make Tommy laugh nor relax. "Is there something wrong? You don't want me to stay the night?"

"No, I'd love you to stay" he replied, fingering Alfie's chest with his hand - it was still cold, even after the events of this evening. "But it takes a lot of trust to sleep by someone's side, don't you think?"

"Yes, but I thought you said you loved me, and love and confidence are almost the same, am I right?"he said. The way Alfie was holding him in his embracement, firmly yet gently, making him feel safe and forget about all the bad memories - it was mesmerising.

"They are" Tommy responded. "Just promise me you'll be here for me. I need you."

Alfie felt moved by those words coming out of this gin soaked boy's mouth. He kissed him once again, before whispering, "I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I once stated that I was never going to write an AU fic about them. And then this happened.  
> Thank you for following this story and all the nice comment that you left here - this means a lot to me to know you enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> [playlist I created for this fic](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/32Yk1wAOMBXFhxLfctA1G4?si=yURV9MiCQwC2haWVCT4vjw)
> 
> [tumblr](https://keine-angst.tumblr.com)


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